this semester ill be undergoing 4 postings, the first three is called Triad = ENT, Ophtal (about the eyes) and anestesiology (google it urself hehe) which need to be completed for 8 weeks.. and after that psychiatrc posting for another 8 weeks..

then my fourth year will be completed, but i need to reseat my paeds posting after the 2nd semester exam which means ill lost half of my holidays. but its okay maybe its meant to be like this.. to fall and walk up again and again. may be this is the way He wanted me to learn the life. i accept whatever it is. Alhamdulillah.

its already 3am.. and i cudnt doze of yet.. reflecting again and again and again. from the small circle of thoughts untill a bigger one of it.

in life as muslim, we have to built the internal strength of our own life alone. people may assist u on the process of the building it but u urself have to built it ur self. Iman. simple 4 alphabetical sentence. believe me it is not easy to built and have a great iman in yourself.

it doesnt come with only dua` but also your daily activities. in this medical field i realise that everyday, every single day in my course it is to prepare us a doctor that is safe and can be practise safely outside (after studying). starts from rounds, critical thinking on differential diagnosis, how on managing patient internally and externally, talking and clerking the patient, a human being, being professional, look smart, great on managing time and etc.. they wanted the daily activity of us during the medical student to be an activity of our future life. so that we didnt fumble in the future and can manage our patient perfectly. and be our routine as this profession is a lifetime commitment.

same with Iman, we have to culture it deep inside of our heart every single day of our life starts from now on and forever to prepare us the real world, and the afterlife. so having compulsary daily activities to strengthen it is a must. Reading the quran, specific surah on morning or evening, or finishing few pages daily, Mathurat, or any dua`, pray dhuha tahajjud or whatever sunat prayer every single day of our life is crucial to built this so called 'inner beauty'. it is not enough by only having daily 5 times of solah a day and yassin on friday night. it is not enough. i believe.

and i must say im indeed in a deep grave on my performance lately. im not the one i used to be last time. and so the inner part is gradually deteriorating its performance or in chronic condition. (haha) or what ever it is, i must say im not really satisfy with my current performance. i have to change and i need prayer to change. Ya Rabb maafkan aku. Alhamdulillah im still grateful in whatever condition He gave, and im not forgetting Him in any of my difficult or joyous time. hopefully this will last forever. as if i have nobody to be loved by, i know He will loves me, always.