Bernafas dalam air

wah agak lame tak bukak blog nih.. banyak sangat rasanya benda nak cerita.. since the last day i had my reseat exam till now..

Alhamdulillah i passed all the papers.. rasa seronok.. penat pon ada juga.. nak ucap terima kasih byk2 to those yang selalu doa n wish good luck aritu.. sory i cudnt reply most of u guys msg.. agak sibuk.. (ape yang sibuk pon taktau huhu) tapi betol la sibuk..

after exam i just hang out at the hostel.. waiting fr the result to come out.. seriously dalam keadaan risau. dont knw how to describe it.. where u believe that u can do but the negative thought seems to infiltrate and change what u believe.. the thoughts was like a war between two country.. fighting for their right to claim what shud b theirs.. there's been a risk. there always b a risk in every decision. every action. risk that u will won or lose. but during that time i always let the war to occur and let God to decide which country to win. i had try my best and thats it.

And on monday they announced all the result for reseaters. Alhamdulillah only one people from our batch cudn manage to get into third yr. i really feel sad fr him. like trying to feel what his life will b after this. having a faith in live is important. i used to be at the bottom before but life is full of unexpectance. like a cycle described by ib in one of his post. there is a day where u will b high till the last layer of the sky and theres also a day where u will b down below to the core of earth and the cycle will always keep on rolling.

i celebrated my post exam with my love one.. most of the reseaters went home. the dental studs still having exam during that time.. so most of the time i spent with myself preparing for a new life in ktdi.. packing things and everything.. thanks to iyas fr helping me transfring all my stuffs to ktdi.. it was very tiring

the next day all the new students is scheduled to have an orientation in ktdi for 3 days.. so there were intro session fr all the clubs in ktdi.. amsa, persiap, pmukm and their objectives, forums and small group discussion. a very good program i can say. we were also brought by our faci to visit departments, clinics and wards that will b our second home after this. most of the objectives is to prepare us in the clinical years. it was so interesting. as in my previous post, there are students twining of universitas padjajaran n ukm. they had 3 years fr their pre clinical years in unpad and have to finish another 3 years in ukm. so they are actually older 1 year then us.. but as being me who don't really believe in seniority, i just made friends with them hehe.. n i cud find some of them yg ley join perasap.. stylo la haha

after the 3 days of orientation, we had a camp in Besut Terengganu.. it took about 12 hours journey to be at Kem Bina Negara Besut. what a journey. we stayed there fr a week. its actually a collaboration between BTN n ukm medical faculty so the modules is mixed. basically it is a camp to prepare us for our clinical years.

the camp did leave a lot of memories to me. ive been a group leader. there was a lot of group activities discussing on medical etiquette, relationship between patient n doc, managing diversity, and lots more.

there was a session where we were discussing on personalities we have. there was a form that need to feel and self grading. then we had to tell 3 most highest grading on us and gave reason on it. i graded myself highest on altruism where u put other people interest more then urself, good looking and communication conduct.

the doctor asked me why did i put altruism as my highest grade? so i told them the story bout me involving myself with programmes, carnival, and get faild during my last semester. how i sacrifice my time on conducting and fulfil my responsibilities without thinking of my studies. for me when people trust u n give u a task.. u need to perform it well and put all ur effort on it. the basic is 'amanah'

the doctors were really interested on my stories one of them is a psychiatrist .. they asked the reason i made the decision, how i feel during that time, why i take the risk, and i freely told them everything. after i finished my stories. one of the doctor was like remember something and asked me ' So are you the one that hve been brought to meeting because of having too much co curricula activities and failed 3 papers? ' i was shocked and nodded slowly. The doctor stand up and aproachd me and give a hand shake. ' Tahniah kerana awak lepas semua dengan baik, im proud of u, tak sangka kamu dlm group saya' wahh iwas blushing n embarased because the whole group was looking at me but at the same time felt proud of myself. i just replied to him that i hope he can pray fr my best and become good doctor.

yes i always have an objective on taking these responsibilities.. ive always wanted to train myself so that i will b a good medical pract.. its not about name, its not about pangkat, its not about being famous not about being the best its about learning to b a good person in order to achieve my goal in being a good doctor. insyAllah

but i think what ive been trough is bit too much.. sakit dowh sume2 nak lalu ni.. though i have objective or goal i shud never do that again.. i think its a bit over.. patutnye ambil yang mana patut n cukup just to complete what i havent complete yet. yes u know ur self better. when u lack certain parts of ur self u have to find ways to improve ur self. but only certain parts not all.
be wise.

the 3rd day of the camp is the most memorable one. we had our subuh prayer at the sea shore. woke up at 3am and have a short kembara and stop by the sea. wudhu' with the sea water and imam by tawi. he read few lines from Surah Annur. it was so peaceful. i cud only hear the beautiful voices of him overlaping with the sound of the sea wave. Subhanallah. im so touched. till i didnt realize that sometin drop from the tip of my eyes.. we waited there till the sun arise.. i cud see the sky turning red and getting bright.. and hear the birds started chirping, a sign of another day is started. Alhamdulillah.

So the last day we were asked to submit out letter to ourselves. it is a letter addresed to urself when u have been in 5th year. during our 5th year, we will open the letters together and read what have we wrote during 3rd year. its sort of a time capsule (ye ke) or future letter. i found out it is a very good method in order to keep us on the track all trough this medical studies. yes.. ayah always thought me the power of visualization on the goal ive set. by writing the letter we unintended visualise what we will become in the future. our goal in the future. maybe ill make another post explaining this power of having goal and visualise it later.

the last not least is the ' White Coat Ceremony' it is a tradition or ritual where all the 2nd year students will be coated with white coat as a sign of transition from preclinical years into clinical years. ive always imagining this moment and Alhamdulillah ive gone trough it. Dr Azman cloaking me with the white coat and buttoned it for me. the session really inspired me to get into clinical years with confidence. during the ceremony Prof har on behalf of our parents asking all the lecturers to teach us.. sort of 'berguru' punye adat.. remembering me of all my teachers in maahad.. really miss them.. huh~

its already a week in surgery posting.. mayb ill tell my experience during first week of my clinical years later..

panjang nye entry ni..

till then


2 comments: said...

eh sedih la bace. anyway, gud luck!

FaDhLi said...

banyak lagi cabaran menanti.

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Cheras, HUKM, Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia
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